Ardmore’s Most Wanted

Time: July 26, 6PM

Charge: Attempted Murder

Suspect: Miss Rita

Victim: Unidentifiable Songbird

Just the Facts, Ma’am: High-pitched squawks of bird in distress were heard coming from house in Ardmore; upon investigating alleged suspect was found with struggling bird in her jaws; told to drop the bird, suspect declined, and, evading arrest, fled with victim up the stairs; Officer K pursued with Deputy Pablo remaining downstairs to sniff for clues; suspect was flushed out of hiding and chased onto deck where she relinquished her prey; suspect was then brought in for questioning

Rap Sheet: Suspect was found to have a long list of previous crimes against wildlife, including toads, voles, shrews, and mice

Verdict: Guilty as Charged

Sentencing: House Arrest



Filed under Other critters

3 responses to “Ardmore’s Most Wanted

  1. Drax

    Oh yes. Her greedy fiendish eye for the birdies was carefully noted.

  2. K

    Officer K reporting. Your Honour, I can attest to the incorrigible nature of this wicked creature. On multiple previous occasions I have encountered the headless remains of voles greating me in the kitchen. A toad was found in a shoe. And pity the poor baby chipmunk who more than once was taken from its comfy home in the woodpile and dropped in the bathtub where the feline could torment it without possibility of escape. And yet the suspect protests her innocence, demanding scratches and the prime spot on the laps of those who just moments before had been making great efforts to prevent the conclusion of a heinous crime.

  3. Mom

    The mug shot says it all. The defiant eyes of an irredeemable and unrepentant villain. Throw away the keys on this one.

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